Comparison is the thief of joy

A wise man named Theodore Roosevelt once said that comparison is the thief of joy, and I fully agree. So why do I keep doing it?

The truth is, in this modern world where our phones are never far from our fingertips and we can see other people’s lives at the push of a button or the touch of a screen, it’s hard not to.

Recently I’ve been comparing myself to my peers more than ever before, and it has really been getting me down. I know that I shouldn’t, but I just can’t help myself. Why is that? Well, it’s partly my own expectations for myself, and partly the expectations that society has for me. I’m twenty-four years old, I have a degree and a Masters, I should be able to get a high-flying job no problem, right? Wrong.

When you’re at University you have this expectation that you’re going to graduate and get a job straight away, but the truth is that for many people that just isn’t realistic. When I was doing my Masters the thing that kept me going was knowing that I was doing this so that I could be a step closer to getting a career that I’d love. So why do I still not have that job three months after graduating, and seven months after finishing the course?

Lately I have been comparing myself too much. I see university friends, family members, everyone else my age doing things that I should be doing by now. They have jobs, relationships, seemingly everything that I don’t yet. And it does get me down sometimes. I think, what am I doing wrong? I’m applying for jobs and hearing nothing back. Looking for jobs and getting disheartened when they want approximately 50 years of experience. Having interviews just to hear that I don’t have enough experience for the job.

It’s easy to see why I was getting fed up.

               

Of course, I’m so happy for my friends. Don’t think that this is me being bitter or jealous, because I obviously couldn’t be prouder of my friends’ achievements – they all deserve it so much. It’s just that I sometimes feel that I’m not keeping up with where I should be at my age.

It doesn’t help that when I go to work, people are often making comments to me about the fact that I shouldn’t be working in retail because I have a Masters. When I went back to my job as a sales assistant at a shop after I finished my Masters, many of my colleagues asked me what I was doing back here. And while these comments may seem harmless and just a bit of fun for them, it made me question myself.

There was one day that really made me feel this way. I was having a nice conversation with a customer, and I can’t remember why but I mentioned that I’d done a Master’s degree. And she said to me ‘well what are you doing working here then?’, and even had the audacity to say that she hoped her son wasn’t working here when he finished his PhD. Now, this to her was probably a harmless joke. I appreciate that she didn’t mean to offend me.

But that doesn’t mean that I didn’t take her words to heart. I laughed it off; I told her what I tell everyone – that I’m trying. For the rest of the day I couldn’t get what she said to me out of my head. I thought about it through the rest of my shift. I thought about it when I got home. I still think about it sometimes now. I thought, maybe she’s right. I was being so hard on myself, thinking that I’m not good enough because I can’t get a job that’s related to my Masters.

Just when I was in this slump of thinking I was never going to compare to others my age, something happened that made me realise how ungrateful and selfish I was being.

As I was lying in bed on Thursday night, about to go to sleep, I saw the tragic news that Louis Tomlinson’s sister Félicité had passed away at just eighteen years old. My heart raced, I felt sick, I prayed it was just some sick joke and it wasn’t real. Unfortunately, it was. I couldn’t fathom how this could happen to someone so young, with so much life ahead of her. It seemed so unfair that Louis and his family were going through another heartache so soon after they had lost their mother. I didn’t, and still haven’t really, stopped thinking about it since.

It was like my heart was physically aching for them. I just felt so strange the next day – as if I couldn’t be happy about anything. I couldn’t understand why and how this had happened. I am blessed enough that I have never really felt grief before, but even though this young girl wasn’t related to me, I’m sure that it’s the closest to grieving that I have experienced.

And that was it. That’s the moment when I realised that comparison has been stealing my joy, and that it needed to stop. Félicité’s death was a shocking wakeup call that made me realise that life is too short and too fragile to be anything other than happy and grateful. Life could be taken from you at any moment, that’s always been one of my biggest fears, and that’s why I have decided to stop comparing myself to others and just appreciate everything I have in my life right now.

I have a job. I have my own money. I have a car. I have amazing friends and family. I have a home.
Why isn’t that enough for me? Because I was too caught up in what everyone else has. But as we all know, social media only shows what’s on the surface. What you’re comparing yourself to might not even be the full story. Someone’s Instagram feed might be perfect, someone’s job might seem perfect, someone’s relationship might seem perfect, but you don’t know what goes on when the camera is off, behind closed doors. People might be struggling and you don’t even know it because you’re basing your judgements off their social media. What they want you to see. Not reality.

That’s what I’ve been forgetting when I compare myself to others. That’s what I have promised myself that I’m going to stop doing.

If anyone is reading this who is feeling the pressure to get a job, to decide what they want to do with their life, or simply not feeling good enough, I urge you to please just stop. I know it’s not easy. But you’ve got to let go of the expectation that you need to be achieving what everyone else is, or what people expect you to be. There’s no formula to life, there’s no rule that says you must be doing this at a certain age. Because life is strange, unexpected, and it can change so easily and without any warning.

For now I am happy with what I have. I adore my job even though it’s ‘just’ in retail. I’ll keep applying for jobs related to my masters and one day – maybe next month, maybe next year – I’ll get there. But for now, I will stop letting comparison be the thief of my joy.

Are you guilty of comparing yourself to others like I am? I’d love to hear your thoughts on this post – it’s quite a different one for me so if you have any comments please let me know!

As always thank you so much for reading, x